4 Relationship Killers Worth Terminating
Relationships are about personalinteraction. When it’s going well, all is well. When it’s not, even two good people can damage and kill a relationship. To prevent this from happening ask yourself if you’re engaged in one or more of these four relationship killers.
1. Passive compliance. Do you go along to get along, but carry unspoken resentment? Are you giving to and appeasing your partner just to keep the peace? If you are, your relationship is paying a price. Saying “Yes” when you mean “No” usually leads to anger at yourself for saying “yes,” and at your partner for putting you in that situation. Your lack of honesty creates distance between you and your partner because he or she doesn’t really know who you are, what you value, desire or care about. This will eventually kill the relationship.
2. Silent disengagement. When your partner wants to communicate or connect with you, do you become quiet, withdraw, or retreat? Are you more concerned about “having your space” than caring about your partner? This can do emotional violence to your partner who feels shut out of your life. Your disengagement will cause both of you to disconnect from each other, and the increasing emotional distance will eventually kill the relationship.
3. Smothering. Do you need a lot of attention? Do you make your own needs for closeness or connection more important than what your partner wants or needs? Do you feel anxious if your partner does not give you frequent reassurance of their love and commitment? Healthy relationships need a good balance togetherness and separateness. Smothering can kill a relationship by depriving your partner of air to breathe.
4. Blaming. When there’s a problem do you immediately look for fault in your partner? Do you refuse to take any responsibility for what happened? When you do that you’re effort to protect yourself from being wrong pushes your partner away with the whole load of guilt. Few people will put up with that for very long without either escalating the conflict or giving up in frustration and hopelessness. This will eventually kill he relationship
These four patterns will kill a relationship by creating negative emotions and increasing distance between you.
There is a simple antidote to this poison that can work with each killer, communicate – i.e., share, disclose, reveal, encourage, admit. Let your partner know what’s really going on with you.
If you have a pattern of passively complying, figure out and share what you think and want. If you tend to disengage in silence, disclose what’s important to you at the moment. If you smother your partner, reveal your anxiety and then encourage them to do something they like without you. And if you usually blame your partner, listen to their point and admit to being responsible for some part of the problem.
Having a good relationship is far better than losing one. Begin improving your relationships today by terminating these relationship killers and you will be free to enjoy one of life’s greatest gifts.